Jag hittade en lista vid namn “100 Reasons You’ll Be Speechless” där Microsoft försöker ge 100 skäl till att Windows Vista är the way to go. Jag tog och gav ett litet svar på alla 100 punkter varför man INTE ska köra Vista. Mest för att det var roligt, men det finns säkert en stor skopa sanning i den också. Enjoy!
100 Reasons to buy Windows Vista, now with ANSWERS.
1. It makes using your PC a breeze.
I spent a couple of years to make using XP a breeze, I’m not masochistic enough to do it all over again.
2. Because all of your music is just a remote control click away.
It already is, I call it my stereo- / hometheatersystem. *Click click… click*
3. It’s the safest version of Windows ever.
Yeah, a sifter with 500 holes in it’s net is “safer” than one with 750 too.
4. See your world in a whole new light.
I do that by leaving the computer and walking out the door once in a while.
5. It can find your stuff.
I already know where everything is, thank you. Or wait, can it find my woolen socks? I’m freezing my feet off.
6. Because you’re always on the run.
I’m not, I’m very stationary and unemployed, and if I have to I can be on the run with XP too.
7. Because you can freeze time.
I’m sorry, what? Oh you mean photographs! Yeah, I have a CAMERA for that.
8. Your PC can take care of itself with Performance Self Tuning, Self-Healing.
I prefer to tune my PC by myself, but if you mean that I can bash away with a sledgehammer on a PC running Windows Vista and it will automagicocofantastically heal itself, I’ll buy a copy.
9. Unchain your mobile PC
If my PC already is mobile, why would it need to be “unchained”?
10. Surf more safely
I already do, with Opera & Firefox.
11. Help protect your kids online.
Fuck you, they have been taught how to take care of themselves. Oh yeah.. did I mention FUCK YOU.
12. Schedule showtime on your time.
I already do, it’s called filesharing, you should try it.
13. Because you need to know who the bad guys are.
Well, I suppose creating and releasing a computer OS is one way of getting introduced in the criminal society, you could however kept it to a press-release, i’m sure people would have found out soon enough.
14. Make any room a media room.
I prefer doing that using MediaPortal, it’s open source, ever heard of open source?
15. Because your PC remembers to back up for you.
Are you telling me my memory sucks? Well, it does, actually, but I don’t need you to rub it in my face like that!
16. Get your new computer up and running in no time.
I do that easily with an XP-Unattended install disc. Boom-shakalak!
17. It’s like having your own personal anchorman.
Dude, I get all the news, weather forecasts and other stuff I want through feeds without your help.
18. Create your own personal archive with Scheduled and network backup.
What did I say about the thing with the memory, and uh, thing.. don’t rub it in!
19. Watch live TV on your PC with Windows Media Center
I do this already? What’s new? You got any special shows for Vista? If they include teletubby wrestling, I’ll buy a copy.
20. Set up your home network in a flash with Network and Sharing Center.
Again, I already do this with XP, no real argument for Vista.
21. Put more playtime in family time.
Yeah, the whole family crammed up in my knee in front of the screen playing Mine Sweeper isn’t actually something I would call “family time”, it’s more in the lines of “GET THE FUCK OFF ME time”.
22. See everything you’re working on at a glance.
I only need to lean left/right long enough to achieve this goal(?).
23. Because it’s like a digital candy store.
Oh, you mean like.. TEH INTERWEBS? Got enough candy to last me a lifetime already, thank you anyway.
24. Because you don’t want to worry about spyware.
Yeah right, if you are insinuating that Vista eliminates Layer 8-errors you’re sadly mistaken.
25. It works with the software, hardware, and services you want.
Well, if it didn’t it wouldn’t be much of an OS now, would it?
26. Because you’re a multitasker and IE 7 has TABS.
Sorry to pop your bubble but IE is last in line to implement tabs, all the other browsers beat you to it, slowpokes.
27. Because your computer can keep up with you while you’re on the go.
I’m still not “on the go”, and even if I was, it’s not like I’m asking my PC to go out for a run.
28. Enjoy your memories, larger than life.
Now that’s just pure offensive, I have a brain fully capable of enjoying memories.
29. Take the handwritten approach.
Last time I checked we called this Pen/Pencil and Paper, and Tablets work on XP too, mate.
30. Restore your PC in an instant.
Already got System Restore in XP, thank you for trying.
31. Because your PC lets you know if something’s wrong—and helps you fix it.
Yeah, PC’s running Windows usually let’s you know something’s wrong through a BSOD, and even if it actually halts the program and offers to help me, I usually get better help by asking the Paperclip assistant in Word.
32. Streamline IT management across your business.
Yeah, Group Policies are a new thing, riiiiiight….
33. Preserve a lifetime of memories with Scheduled and network backup.
Again the insult towards my memorycapacity, fuck off!
34. Connect to the network at work or school.
Still nothing new! What is this, some kind of hoax?
35. Because you’ll know it when you see it.
Oh yeah, best argument ever.. “BUY THIS!” “Why?” “YOU’LL SEE!”
36. Get a “do-over” when you need it.
I look perfectly fine, thank you very much.
37. Keep your info under lock and key with Windows BitLocker Drive Encryption.
Already got enough open source data encrypters to take a bath in, don’t need another one.
38. It’s the cure for red-eye with Windows Photo Gallery.
Ooooold. And I know how to use Photoshop.
39. Relive your memories, each and every one with Windows Photo Gallery.
What the hell is up with you and my memory! Stop it this instant!
40. Because you love what you do.
I’m really starting to have second thoughts about the decision to make this list, so no, I don’t love what I do, and I can’t see what Vista could do to change that.
41. Because your PC will stay up to date, automatically.
Windows Update isn’t actually NEW to Vista, do you want me to send you instructions on how to use it in XP?
42. E-mail your photos without worrying about the file size.
Got Gmail already, you can cram your Outlook in your Backlock.
43. It’s parent friendly.
The only parent friendly computer is one that can duplicate itself to match the number of kids wanting to use it. Unless that is a feature in Vista, bugger off.
44. Because you have a need for speed with Windows Readyboost.
I’ll upgrade my RAM manually, thank you.
45. Because you hate all those boxes and wires.
I’m betting that if I order a computer with Windows Vista today, it’ll arrive with a shitload of boxes and wires anyway.
46. Your music can look as good as it sounds.
If I want that I’ll drop some LSD.
47. Let the fun start now.
Yes please, this is getting REALLY BORING.
48. Stay connected wherever you go.
I’ve got a cellphone, that’s about as much connection I need.
49. Take your workspace with you.
I usually avoid taking work home with me, why should you?
50. Get more out of the web with Tabbed Browsing in Windows Internet Explorer 7.
You already mentioned this, remember what I told you? Everyone else already have it!
51. Because you live to play, organize games with Windows Games Explorer.
Install game, place shortcut on desktop/startmenu, done.
52. Take control of game time.
If you can’t control your own kids gaming habits, why do you think a computer program could.
53. Because you can get more done when you work together.
We can already to that through IMs/Conferencecalls etc.
54. Stay entertained wherever you go with Windows Media Center.
Again with the Windows Media Center… STOP REPEATING YOURSELF.
55. Because success tomorrow starts today.
And XP started several years ago, now that has to be extremely successful.
56. Print what you see with Windows Internet Explorer 7.
Am I going nuts? Am I imagining this? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says COMPLETE MORON? (sometimes I do, yes) Printing webpages has been around since.. since.. cavemen bonked cavewomen over the head with logs and dragged them home!
57. Because you don’t need a PC to watch your home movies with Windows DVD Maker.
Still not an argument that is specific for Vista, I burn DVD’s on a daily basis with XP and it’s already WORKING FINE.
58. Fill your home with music.
*Swings stereo-remote wildly in front of the screen* I can already DO THIS! Look! Click click click!
59. Make a masterpiece.
Yeah, Vista brings out the hidden artist in you? Please spare me that crap.
60. Because you want your video memories to stay true to life.
….. I can’t take this anymore..
61. Stand strong against hackers.
Yeah, Windows has proven to be a safe bet when it comes to protection from hackers. *cough*
62. Because it remembers what you like to do — and helps you do it faster with SuperFetch.
Sure, that’s actually a little bit cool. But I don’t need more software mapping my behaviour, big brother.
63. Help is always available.
I still get better help from the little Paperclip in Word than I get from the actual Windows Help System. If the Paperclip can’t help me I usually ask one of my plants, they’re brilliant.
64. Keep your files confidential with the Encrypting File System.
Yeah sure, an argument for all the parents that need to hide their porn for the kids. Bah.
65. Send a fax on the spot with Windows Fax and Scan.
XP XP XP XP XP. This already exists, it’s NOT NEW. *sigh*
66. Because everyone goofs sometimes, Shadow Copy stores older versions of your files.
Unnecessary chunks of data just to prevent me from the occational mishap? No thank you I’ll take the punishment for my own stupidity like a man. (although i might cry a little)
67. Because e-mail is your lifeline.
Yeah, E-mail is something that only exists in Vista..
68. Stay on top of your family’s schedule.
I’ve got a note on my fridge for exactly that.
69. Because you want the quality of your printouts to match the quality of your work.
Get a better printer. End of story.
70. Your PC is ready when you are.
I leave my PC on 24/7, it’s always ready for me.
71. Keep your favorite things at your fingertips.
I already do, they include my womans breasts, her.. breasts, and her… breasts!
72. Get the latest news delivered right to your desktop.
Yeah RSS feeds are a new thing, so you keep telling me..
73. Because your photos and home movies don’t have to be stuck in your PC anymore.
They only way this can happen is if I actually NAIL THEM TO THE INSIDE OF MY CASE.
74. Because your memories need a little mood music.
Got an Ipod, thanks.
75. Because you want professional-looking photos from your own printer.
If you’re a bad photographer, no software nor printer in the world will help your photos look better, sell your camera and buy a painting instead. Or a hamster!
76. Because all the relatives want a copy of that special shot.
Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V, Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V and so on and so forth. Up yours.
77. Capture a moment in an instant and import it to your computer.
Camera + Cable = Success, do I need Vista to do this? NO!
78. Because you’ve got more ways to take your music with you wherever you go.
Did I mention the Ipod? Yeah I mentioned the Ipod.. oh and.. IPOD!
79. Let your music collection grow with you.
It already has, I’ve got a whole bookshelf with CD’s, want to have some?
80. Because you’re a media master.
Thank you, you’re not so bad yourself, or uh, yeah something like that.
81. Because it makes your TV smarter.
No, it doesn’t. I’m telling you, it doesn’t.
82. Presenting your new home entertainment hub: your PC.
Windows Media Center blah, Windows Media Center bleh, is the only reason to buy Vista that it has a fucking Media Player? “Buy this house!” “Why?” “It’s got running water!”
83. It makes your desktop come alive.
Yeah, it actually does that, but I don’t want it, I like my static desktop.
84. Sit back, relax, and pass the remote.
Good plan, I should watch some TV instead of typing this damn list. But i’m in charge of the damn remote.
85. Your PC can be multilingual.
I knoooooow, XP is already multilingual, can you please tell me something NEW in Vista?
86. Archive your media library.
Did I tell you about me burning DVD’s? Yes I did, and oh.. yeah BURN DVD’s!
87. Play the hottest new games.
Yeah, that damn Crysis game and DX10 stuff… God that pisses me off. This is why you would buy Vista. TO PLAY GAMES.
88. Take your game beyond the next level.
Again a plug for DX10, grrrrr… I can’t say anything about not buying Vista to this.
89. Take your games to go.
This requires a portable computer, and working legs (or a wheelchair perhaps!), you don’t actually NEED Vista to walk around with your laptop.
90. Check your e-mail without booting up your PC.
Yeah sure, this is a nifty thing, dang.
91. Take your fun with you.
I still retain the ability to walk without purchasing Vista. Or do I?
92. Showing is more powerful than telling.
I’ve got a Print Screen-button already, thanks.
93. Work your own way.
Thank you, I will, by using XP.
94. Because you want your wireless connection to be more secure.
W-LANs are still more susceptible to Layer 8-errors than Vista is apt to prevent them.
95. Take network files and folders with you.
This kind of synchronization is as easy with XP as it is with Vista.
96. Access your desktop wherever you go.
Remote desktop already exists in XP! ARGH stop trying to sell me OLD SHIT IN A NEW BOX.
97. Because your business doesn’t need more than one scanner.
Yeah, bravo, you can actually SCAN SOMETHING with Vista? This couldn’t be done before? Oh… yeah, yes it could.
98. Make your presentations more professional.
Still, if you suck at making presentations, Vista won’t help you, nothing will, except a mallet to the head perhaps.
99. Because you get more out of information when you share it.
You can actually share information with others in Vista? Oh my, and here I sit in my XP-solitude without any means of communication with the outside world? Oh! No I don’t.
100. Because your network is the backbone of your business.
Yeah, Network Diagnostics are really a new thing in Vista.. I can see why this was number 100 on the list.